Your Child Is Your Mirror
Aired: March 10, 2025
Christine Miroddi Yoder:
Hi and welcome to another episode. I’m Christine, your host. If you’re new to my work, I help teach parents how to get their kids to enjoy—and actually love—food. It can be so hard when you have a fearful eater, but we transform those fearful eaters into foodies.
If you’re new here, you can check out all of our resources: this free podcast, our blog posts and articles, YouTube videos at foodologyfeeding, and of course my book Mealtime Mindset. You’ll find everything at foodologyfeeding.com.
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Kids Are Our Mirror
Today’s topic is this: our kids are our mirror.
They reflect us, whether we like it or not. I’m sure you’ve noticed how children pick up on absolutely everything we do. People say, “Be careful, watch what you say,” because kids are sponges. But it’s not just our words—it’s our mannerisms, our reactions, even the emotions we carry.
They see how we approach challenges: are we nervous, overwhelmed, or frustrated? They feel that, and they internalize it. Kids are hardwired to learn and imitate from their environment. As a speech pathologist, I know imitation is one of the very first precursors to learning language. When a child isn’t imitating, that’s actually a red flag.
So yes, kids learn from us—for better or worse.
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Parent Traits Reflected in Kids
As I coach parents, I often notice the same traits in children that I see in their parents. Parents don’t always see the connection, but as an outsider I do.
For example, I had a parent who wanted everything perfect. In our course, I told her to skip ahead to a certain lesson because it was more relevant. But she resisted—she wanted to go in order, check off every box, and do it “just right.” Her child was the same way with food. They needed everything to be perfect before moving forward.
Another parent felt really anxious during food play. She wanted her son to be excited, to engage, to make progress. But she admitted she was anxious the whole time. And when she described his reaction, I said, “Sounds like he was just as anxious as you were.” That’s the mirror effect at work.
This isn’t about blame. It’s just reality—kids pick up on everything. The awareness of this can help us make changes.
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Step 1: Self-Reflection
Start by asking yourself:
* How do I feel leading up to mealtimes?
* Am I anxious, frustrated, drained?
* What thoughts go through my mind when my child resists food?
* Do I feel pressure for the meal to go a certain way?
* Where is that pressure coming from—me, or outside voices telling me I’m not doing enough?
Write these things down. It’s therapeutic, and it helps identify patterns.
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Step 2: Notice the Mirror
Ask: Does my child react similarly to me?
If I feel tense, are they tense?
Do I have specific triggers—like wasted food, slow eating, or spills?
Am I unintentionally passing my frustration to my child?
Again, no blame here. We all have triggers. But if we don’t recognize them, we can’t change them.
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Step 3: Small Shifts
This is where the magic happens.
* Regulate yourself first. Your child can’t regulate if you don’t. A helpful mantra: This is a learning experience, not a test. There’s no grade, no pass or fail.
* Change the focus. Instead of stressing over how long your child takes to eat, shift the perspective: “I get more time to sit with them,” or “I can use this time to talk about our day.”
* Loosen control. Let kids serve themselves family-style. Allow some mess. Plan extra time so you’re not stressed.
* Reframe resistance. Resistance is not forever. It’s not failure—it’s part of learning.
These small shifts improve mealtime mindset, make meals more enjoyable, and change the atmosphere. And because kids mirror us, when we shift, they shift too.
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Final Thoughts
Sometimes it feels easier to say, “This is my child’s problem.” But food challenges affect the whole family—timing, mood, health, even school performance.
When we control our own mindset, we can’t necessarily control our kids, but we can influence the environment. Like a mirror, when you start to relax, they start to relax. When you shift perspective, they shift too.
Of course, this isn’t the only piece of the puzzle. Gut health, oral motor skills, and sensory factors also matter. That’s why in our Roadmap we address all of these together. When you combine mindset shifts with those foundations, that’s when the real transformation happens.
To learn more, you can visit thepickyeaterstest.com to find out what type of eater your child is. And for more free resources, go to foodologyfeeding.com.
Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next week.
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End of transcript (20:49)
