Why Kids Eat for Someone Else (But Not You)
Aired: February 24, 2025
Christine Miroddi Yoder:
Hi and welcome to another episode. Today we’re talking about why your child might eat for their feeding therapist—but not for you. Or maybe they eat for one parent, but not the other. Or maybe they’ll eat for the babysitter, but not at home.
It’s such an interesting topic, and I think it will give you some insight into what’s happening, where things sometimes go wrong, and most importantly—how to bridge that gap.
If you’re new here, I’m Christine, a pediatric feeding expert. I help parents teach their kids to love food. We take them from fearful to foodie. Most families I work with don’t just have “picky eaters.” They have problem feeders—kids who won’t eat foods across different categories.
If you’re not sure what type of eater your child is, you can take our quiz at thepickyeaters.com to find out.
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Why Kids Eat for Others
So why would your child eat for someone else and not you—or vice versa?
A few reasons:
* Pressure differences. Sometimes another adult—like a babysitter or therapist—brings less pressure. The environment feels lighter, more playful, and less demanding. That alone can make a child more willing to explore.
* No history. Therapists, teachers, and babysitters don’t carry the baggage of years of stressful mealtimes. If mealtimes at home have involved tears, pressure, or struggles, your child may associate you with that history. A new person comes in fresh, without those cues, and the child responds differently.
* Different energy. As a parent, if you’ve endured dozens of difficult meals, your patience may be thin. You might come into the meal already stressed or bracing for a fight. A therapist doesn’t bring that same energy—and kids pick up on it immediately.
This isn’t about blame. It’s simply about understanding the dynamics at play.
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How Therapists Approach Meals
A good feeding therapist doesn’t use pressure or bribery. (Yes, there are therapists who force or use rewards like “lick this and you’ll get candy”—but that’s not what we do.)
Our approach is:
* Neutral environment – no pressure, no battles.
* Rapport building – kids need to like us and trust us before they’ll eat for us.
* Play and fun – laughter, games, and curiosity lower defenses.
* Modeling – showing, not forcing.
That’s why you might see your child do something shocking in an evaluation—like touch a food for the first time, or even try several new foods in one session. Parents are often stunned: “Why are they eating for you and not me?”
The reason is simple: new environment, no history, new cues.
But here’s the important part: It doesn’t matter if they eat for me. They need to eat for you at home. Progress in my office is great, but it doesn’t change your daily life unless it carries over.
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What You Can Do at Home
So how can you replicate what’s working in therapy?
* Create a low-pressure atmosphere. Take the focus off eating and put it on connection and trust.
* Encourage curiosity, not compliance. Avoid “eat this or you get that.” Instead, offer choices: Which plate do you want? Where do you want to sit? Do you want to start with this food or that food?
* Make it playful. Use games, storytelling, or activities from my eBook 101 Ways to Make Food Fun. It has ideas for every level—from tolerating food in the room, to touching, smelling, or tasting.
* Be patient. Therapists have the luxury of coming in fresh. You, on the other hand, just dealt with socks, shoes, and homework battles. Of course your tolerance is lower. Acknowledge that—and give yourself grace.
Most importantly, focus on connection over consumption. Build trust in and outside of mealtime. Read together, laugh together, do dance parties, spend one-on-one time without pressure. When your child trusts you, they’re far more likely to trust you with food.
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Repairing Trust
Sometimes, the challenge isn’t that your child won’t eat—it’s that the trust around food has been broken.
Even if every other part of your relationship is beautiful, food might be the sticking point. And that’s okay. It just means there’s repair work to do.
* Show your child you won’t trick or pressure them.
* Let them know it’s safe to say “no.”
* Model curiosity yourself: “I’m learning about this food too.”
* Build safety so they know if they don’t like something, you’ll support them.
Over time, that trust shifts the dynamic. I’ve even seen it in my own son. When I put down my phone, played more, read more books, and built connection outside of meals—he started trying new foods on his own.
Trust and connection won’t magically make a fearful eater love food overnight. But it’s a foundational piece. Without it, progress stalls. With it, progress accelerates.
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Final Thoughts
Every child is different. That’s why generalized online tips don’t work well for problem feeders. Those blanket approaches are fine for typical picky eaters—kids who are developing normally and just selective. But for kids with deeper sensory, oral motor, or gut issues, you need a tailored plan.
That’s what we do inside Unlocking Mealtimes. Every roadmap we create is unique because every child’s journey is unique.
If you’d like guidance for your specific situation, you can:
* Schedule a free consult at unlockingmealtimes.com
* Check out free resources on foodologyfeeding.com
* Watch videos on our YouTube channel
Thanks for joining me, and I’ll see you again next week.
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✨ End of transcript (26:03)
