The Science of Trust: Why Connection Is Key to Easier Mealtimes
Aired: February 17, 2025
Christine Miroddi Yoder:
Hi, happy to have you here! This is a unique episode—years in the making—because I’ve been learning right alongside you. Yes, I’m a feeding expert, but I’m also a parent, and my view on feeding has evolved over time.
Before I had my own child, I approached feeding completely differently. Experience changes everything. And that’s why I say sometimes other therapists “don’t know”—because I didn’t know either at first. School gave me the basics, but real life and specializing in this area taught me so much more.
Over the years, I’ve taken different trainings, adopted pieces from each, and developed my own approach. Like many therapists say, it’s all about adding tools to the toolbox. But what I’ve found is that the most powerful tool of all is trust and connection.
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From Distraction to Connection
I’ll be honest—I’m not that perfect parent who’s always fully present. I’ve been the one scrolling on my phone while my child plays or watches TV. I get it. Life is busy. But each year, I set a goal to be more present—to trade some of that distracted time for true connection.
And here’s what I’ve noticed: the more one-on-one, distraction-free time I spend with my son, the better his eating becomes. Not because we’re doing anything “feeding related” but because connection changes the way he feels about mealtime.
This shift has influenced my practice too. I see the science behind it now: trust and connection are not just “feel good” ideas—they’re rooted in brain science.
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The Brain Science Behind Trust
Here’s what we know:
* The amygdala is the brain’s fear center. When kids feel unsafe, pressured, or anxious, cortisol spikes. That fight-or-flight state makes eating much harder.
* On the other hand, oxytocin—the “love hormone”—is released when kids feel safe, bonded, and connected. Oxytocin calms the nervous system, reduces stress, and creates an environment where curiosity can thrive.
Studies show that when kids feel connected, they’re more open, more willing to explore, and more ready to learn. And eating is very much about learning.
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Why Connection Outside Mealtimes Matters
One of the most powerful ways to build that oxytocin bond is to spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with your child—outside of mealtimes.
Why outside? Because if meals are already stressful, trying to connect there may backfire. Kids can sense your expectations and anxiety. Instead, connect in other places: the living room, the playroom, outside, even their bedroom.
It doesn’t need to be hours. Just 10–15 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Play a game, read a book, color together, be silly, wrestle, or just talk. The key: no phone, no distractions. Your child knows when your attention is fully on them.
This might feel “unrelated” to food, but it’s not. That foundation of trust carries over to mealtimes. When they know you see them, value them, and won’t trick or pressure them, they’re more likely to trust you with food too.
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Creating Space for Connection
I know life is packed—school, work, extracurriculars, dinners, chores. Most of the time we’re just managing logistics: shoes, lunches, homework, bedtime. That’s necessary, but it’s not connection.
So here are some practical ideas:
* Cut back where you can. Maybe one less activity so you gain back a night at home.
* Simplify meals. Order in once in a while, plan leftovers, or batch cook on weekends to free up time.
* Delegate help. If possible, get a cleaner for the big tasks every week or two.
* Include your kids. Cook together, shop together, or garden. Food activities outside mealtime reduce pressure while building positive experiences.
And at the table? Shift your language:
* Instead of: “You need to try this.”
* Try: “What do you think this smells like?” or “Can you guess what this would taste like?”
That difference—inviting curiosity instead of demanding compliance—can change the whole mealtime dynamic.
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Final Thoughts
Trust and connection are not “extras.” They are foundational. Without them, progress with food stalls. With them, kids feel safe enough to explore.
So take the challenge this week: 15 minutes of undivided, device-free, one-on-one time with your child. It will pay off in mealtimes—and in every other area of life.
If you need support, you can find me at unlockingmealtimes.com. That’s where I coach parents step by step through teaching their kids to love food.
Thanks for joining me today. I’ll see you again next week.
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✨ End of transcript (21:03)
